Hard Knocks is an HBO documentary show on preseason NFL training camp.  Each year a different team is focused.  Other than a warning to parents who do not want their teen boys to hear harsh language, I recommend watching the show with your teen boy if he is interested in sports.

Several lessons come through on every show.

1.)  Hard work is the key to success

I love that the show spends a significant amount of time focused on training.  Most teen boys only see the glory of playing before packed stadiums.  Hard Knocks shows the wind sprints, weight lifting, and practice drills.

2.) Not everyone gets a ribbon

Our schools, our communities, and parents-at-large have done a very good job at deflating the ugliness of competition.  I'm all for inclusiveness, building self-esteem, and lowering the intensity of crazed youth sports' coaches.

But, many teen boys do not seem to understand that they can't simply "sign up" to make the team or get into college or get a job. Seeing top athletes cut from the team illustrates the reality of the world.  

3.) Dealing with criticism is part of becoming a man

Watching the coaches chew out players (again - language warning!) is great for several reasons.  First, you'll have a shared laugh.  Some of the insults and the lectures are unintentionally funny.  Second, your teen boy will see how men learn to deal with criticism and third, you'll look far nicer in comparison!

Modern day video games are amazing technological marvels.

I was watching my son play FIFA soccer and for a moment I felt like I watching a televised game.

All video-games are not "stupid", which is a common parental refrain: "all my son does is play stupid video-games."

I remember really liking Space Invaders.  Comparatively, that was a stupid video-game.

I won't get into the merits and values of different video-games.  As an ex-criminal prosecutor, I'm not a particular fan of Grand Theft Auto.  And, I'm sure there are some video games that are conceptually "stupid."  I haven't played Angry Birds but I'm guessing the concept is not too high-brow.

The problem is not that video-games are stupid but simply that playing video-games makes teen boys... I won't say "stupid"... but not as smart as they could be.

Parents lead their video-game lectures with the "stupid" lecture.  Children then immediately stop listening.

I don't lead my video-game lecture to my student-clients with a comment that video-games are stupid for two reasons:

(1) rapport will instantly be broken

(2) credibility will be lost because some video-games are highly complex and thus "smart"

Instead, I use video-game playing as a perfect "opportunity to teach opportunity cost."

"Steve", a 15 year old teen boy from Essex, Connecticut came to meet with me for our Student Mastery Program. He looked at me with a dreaded expression when the subject of video game playing came up.  "I know... video-games are stupid." he said. 

"I don't think video-games are stupid.  Some are pretty incredible. Which do you play?"

Fortunately, Steve was a Madden Football video gamer so I didn't have to cringe too much about games with excessive violence or questionable moral behavior. 

I asked him some questions about the game and what sounded fun.  It genuinely sounded fun to me and I'm sure I would have enjoyed playing it when I was age. 

"How many hours do you play per week?"

"About 4"

"Honestly?"

"Ok, maybe 8."

"Honestly?!"

"All right about 20"  (2 hours a day, M-Thurs; 4 hours on Friday, 4 hours on Sat. 4 hours on Sunday)


"20 x 52 = 1040.  So you play around 1000 hours of video games a year?"


"I guess so."


I then began my soft lecture about time being a zero-sum concept.  Time you spend in one area cannot be spent on another area.  I told Steve a true story of a law school classmate who had become a black belt in a video-game focused on martial arts.  Another older and wiser classmate was a black belt in real life.  He was genuinely bewildered that someone would spend so much time "accomplishing something fake when he could be accomplishing something real."

I transitioned the discussion Steve's world.  I asked him to tell me the results of investing time into Madden football  versus practicing basketball (which was the real sport he played).  Steve seemed to readily understand.   "Oh, I guess I could get a lot better at basketball."

From there, we discussed how Steve invest time into learning the guitar (something else that interested him).  

Steve could also spend more time with his friends or build other skills.  

Steve was beginning to like the discussion about "opportunity cost".  He even laughed when I said that he could cut his video game playing to 500 hours a year (he knew that this number still seemed absurdly high!)  

When Steve really understood the concept of opportunity cost, I started to focus on his school work. 

At that point, he was ready to listen.