"It's his choice if he wants to mess up his life." So said a father from Glastonbury, CT. His son, Austin, was unmotivated and floundering in school. Austin mother sat quietly. The parents had obviously had a disagreement over the issue.
Austin's father continued: "We've tried everything. We've grounded him for doing bad. We've rewarded him for doing good. We've taken away his things. He just doesn't care. He's affected our house too much. Too much fighting. We've had it. He can graduate, get a job, and move out.
I sympathized with Austin's parents. They were exasperated. Austin seemed to be a real challenge when they described the various battles they went through with him. In my frameworks from Motivate Your Son, Austin is a Boss Boy. (A Point 8 to those who are familiar with the Enneagram personality system.)
There are ways to deal with Boss Boys. I call it parental judo, using their strength against them. My first meeting with Austin went surprisingly well. He expected some type of lecture. Instead, I mostly listened and kept asking him what he wanted. I think I know how Austin will progress. He needs to feel in control. Through our work, I hope to gradually move him towards feeling in control of a positive direction. It takes time. But, the process works.
Austin's father continued: "We've tried everything. We've grounded him for doing bad. We've rewarded him for doing good. We've taken away his things. He just doesn't care. He's affected our house too much. Too much fighting. We've had it. He can graduate, get a job, and move out.
I sympathized with Austin's parents. They were exasperated. Austin seemed to be a real challenge when they described the various battles they went through with him. In my frameworks from Motivate Your Son, Austin is a Boss Boy. (A Point 8 to those who are familiar with the Enneagram personality system.)
There are ways to deal with Boss Boys. I call it parental judo, using their strength against them. My first meeting with Austin went surprisingly well. He expected some type of lecture. Instead, I mostly listened and kept asking him what he wanted. I think I know how Austin will progress. He needs to feel in control. Through our work, I hope to gradually move him towards feeling in control of a positive direction. It takes time. But, the process works.
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