"I don't know."
"Huh? Whatever?"
Barely audible grunt.
For parents of teen boys, these are common responses to most every question. Talking to a teen boy is not much different than talking with a foreigner who understands English but can't articulate their thoughts. Actually, the latter is better because usually the foreigner will at least be polite.
I found that "just being" with teens opens the door to communication. I learned this lesson when I was at Penn Law School and served the undergraduate residential community as a Graduate Fellow. The job was essentially a glorified residential advisor position but that's what Ivy-league schools do when they craft titles! I had a wonderful experience and brag received great feedback from my work, in part because many students reported that they could share their thoughts about "important stuff" with me. I brag only to share a lesson! Students could open up to me because I made sure that I was present a lot even when I wasn't running meetings or otherwise educating the students. (Graduate Fellows had to create educational workshops).
Not meaning to be sexist, but I played basketball with the guys and would cook meals with the women. We just hung out a lot. Then, when students felt that they needed help, they could talk to "Daryl", not the "Graduate Fellow."
The same thing occurs with parents. If you are only communicating as Parent to Child, then there will always be a wall. I'm not advocating that you become friends first (above parent) with your child. But, there should be some time where you are just hanging out together.
You'll be surprised to discover that your son might start opening up a bit and even talking in full sentences to you!
"Huh? Whatever?"
Barely audible grunt.
For parents of teen boys, these are common responses to most every question. Talking to a teen boy is not much different than talking with a foreigner who understands English but can't articulate their thoughts. Actually, the latter is better because usually the foreigner will at least be polite.
I found that "just being" with teens opens the door to communication. I learned this lesson when I was at Penn Law School and served the undergraduate residential community as a Graduate Fellow. The job was essentially a glorified residential advisor position but that's what Ivy-league schools do when they craft titles! I had a wonderful experience and brag received great feedback from my work, in part because many students reported that they could share their thoughts about "important stuff" with me. I brag only to share a lesson! Students could open up to me because I made sure that I was present a lot even when I wasn't running meetings or otherwise educating the students. (Graduate Fellows had to create educational workshops).
Not meaning to be sexist, but I played basketball with the guys and would cook meals with the women. We just hung out a lot. Then, when students felt that they needed help, they could talk to "Daryl", not the "Graduate Fellow."
The same thing occurs with parents. If you are only communicating as Parent to Child, then there will always be a wall. I'm not advocating that you become friends first (above parent) with your child. But, there should be some time where you are just hanging out together.
You'll be surprised to discover that your son might start opening up a bit and even talking in full sentences to you!